George Bush – in Dogged Pursuit of the Evil Doers – Coming to Your Front Door

George Bush announced today he would direct Congress to allow the CIA to dispatch agents to “embed” in the homes of American citizens in order to keep them safe from terrorism.

When one mealy-mouthed Congressman expressed concern over the “possible” incursion on civil liberties and citizen’s privacy, Administration officials sought to assuage such concerns citing “tough safeguards” that will one day be written up on a cocktail napkin, and that these actions are necessary to keep us safe from "those that would do evil".

At a press conference Tony Snow then proceeded to question said mealy-mouthed congressman's patriotism, true allegiance, raised certain uncomfortable questions about his mother, and reiterated that this was just one more example of why George Bush is a Strong and Just leader in dogged pursuit of Evil Doers and anyone who doesn’t think so is a weak-kneed, leftist, terror-loving bastard. The Constitution of the United States was not mentioned at the press conference.

In the meantime, CIA Director Michael Hayden told reporters that embedded agents will not peek while citizens “went to the bathroom and did, uh, other private things – but they will be listening. Just in case a terrorist plot is being discussed”.

Bush asserted that the only way to insure our nation’s founding ideals of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness is to make sure “all Americans are safe from Evil – there are people that want to do Evil out there – they’re… Evildoers.”

When one reporter asked if it was actually to the terrorists advantage if America curtailed civil liberties and violated constitutional law and norms in pursuit of irrational and misguided policies in the name of “security”, and that it may, in fact, not make our country more secure to utilize secretive and Draconian measures in any case, the reporter was immediately sent to Guantanamo.

God Bless America.

Photo credit: Daniel Kurtzman, About.com